Letters in Chinese

李察通訊 Letters in Chinese
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5/20/2012



婚姻是自由的嗎?





婚姻問題的來信

假設,一位丈夫,他並非大奸大惡,只是沒有愛其妻子,不回家,不關懷其妻,不理會家庭,妻子勉強支撐著家庭,妻子嘗試讓丈夫「回到」家裡,而已兩人都明白,他們已失去雙方的愛。

  想要請教李察先生,沒有仁至義盡,不要忍無可忍,那要如何解決眼前的狀況?
  不想再把生命使用在對方身上,那麼, 愛是應該從那裡結束?
  不得不切去自己的左足,會成為一種愛嗎?
  
  詞不達意讓你見笑。
  讀者louis留

李察的回信

  謝謝讀者Louis 君的來信。信中的問題,其實與忍不忍,或者愛不愛的問題無關。只是與一個問題相關:到底人的婚姻,是不是自由的。
 
  按照莊子原理,人的命運,有兩部份。一半是天賦的,但另一半卻是人自己的抉擇。(莊子說,「非彼無我,非我無所取」就是這意思。)
 
  婚姻也是一種命運。上天或者會賜給你一個機會。但如何接受這個機會,卻是自己選擇的。當婚姻發生嚴重問題的時候,同樣也要用自己的心去判斷:是不是繼續,或者斷絕這婚姻。當然,在判斷的時候,也要考慮許多其他問題,例如子女問題,等等。在兩害權其輕的想法之下,許多人的抉擇是始終維持。
 
  天主教教會對於婚姻問題,解釋與莊子不同。他們認為,婚姻是天主撮合的,不是人的自由意志所能拆散的,所以反對離婚,更反對同性結婚。但這只是教會的解釋。耶穌的想法,未必是這樣。耶穌的出發點是愛。耶穌當然不會忍心看到,一段無法維持的婚姻,會有多痛苦。教會如果只知按規章辦事,就是沒有愛心的。從哲學的角度看,耶穌也從未否定人的抉擇自由,相信如果耶穌重臨,他的看法會跟莊子相同。
 
  愛是一種藝術。其中,也包含很多技術因素。怎樣維持兩個人的長期關係,也是很不容易的。但只要用真心,困難可以解決。人有抉擇的自由,卻不可以濫用自由。因為,如果自由濫用了,會帶來更大痛苦。所以,要慎用自由。





(8367婚姻是自由的嗎 20120520  星期日)




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1 則留言:

Tony Taibi 說...

有關這位讀者的問題, 小弟想引用Stephen Covey的「The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People」中的一段來回答:

At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said, "Stephen, I like what you're saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I'm really worried. My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?"

"The feeling isn't there anymore?" I asked.

"That's right," the reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"

"Love her," I replied.

"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."

"Love her."

"You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there."

"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."

"But how do you love when you don't love?"

"My friend, love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"