Dream of a Caterpillar

 

Note:

Maybe you have read it somewhere before,  I beg you take special notice on the kind of dreams without ending.  My congratulation to you if you have such a dream of no end:  you might be transforming,  like what I have experienced right here:

1.

Let's just assume this is a dream.

Let's just assume, in the dream, I am a leaf.

Can a leaf dominate the universe?

If I were to reincarnate as a leaf, what kind of leaf would be good?

The clever me had already thought about it. I want to become a beautiful poisonous leaf. There is a kind of leaf called "Poinsettia," which is a beautiful red leaf. This kind of leaf is highly toxic. Although those who admire the flowers may not know.

Every person who sees my big red leaf can't help but praise it continuously. At this time, I would naturally be very intoxicated, naturally feeling like an indispensable protagonist in the universe, feeling as the master of everything, exceptionally strong.

Moreover, birds and insects that like to eat leaves will also stay away from me and dare not encroach. This way, I can enjoy the winter in the south, spread out my red skirt in the warm sunshine, welcoming the wind, one piece after another. Oh, I am my own master, and the master of everything, how proud.

Suddenly, I felt a tickling sensation on my edge.

Who is so naughty to tickle me like this?

When I looked down, forgive me for my rudeness, I shouted loudly:

"Get away! Get away! You nasty caterpillar, get away, don't come near me! No, no!"

This is truly the most despicable caterpillar in the world. And this caterpillar seems to have no ears. Oh, he is becoming more and more bold. He dared to climb onto my skirt, his hands, cold and icy, grasping tightly.

"You let go, you let go!"

But the caterpillar has no ears. He can't hear at all. He started biting me. My body trembled violently, I let him bite, I let him bite!

I suddenly remembered, this is just a dream after all, I am Me, I am not a red leaf, I am not a red leaf! But, dreaming is easy to enter and difficult to exit, I couldn't transform, and couldn't wake up. Oh no. In less than half a minute, a quarter of my body was gone. Oh my god, please make this nasty caterpillar stop, stop!

2.

Suddenly I remembered, maybe I am having a terrifying dream. This term, seems like I've seen it on some webpage. Am I dreaming? Am I really a red leaf? I don't want to be a red leaf anymore. I want to wake up, I want to leave all this horror behind. But no matter what, I am still me, I am still a red leaf.

The garden is very quiet. I can almost hear the sound of the caterpillar chewing. Fortunately, that sound gradually stopped. Most of my body was gone. The caterpillar seemed to have had enough. He was lifting his head, looking around.

"Do you know that I'm poisonous? Still coming to eat me?"

"Uh..."

The caterpillar sighed. I finally saw clearly, this caterpillar is truly extremely ugly. So ugly, it shouldn't exist in the world at all. However, he answered that he actually heard.

"I specifically came to eat poison. Don't you know?" After speaking, he lowered his head to eat again.

"Hey hey, can't you stop for a moment? You're almost eating me up."

"It's okay. After I finish eating you, there are many others over there."

I almost choked, "You're really eating me even though I'm poisonous."

"You're so silly. Our caterpillar's poison, is all accumulated by eating. If I don't eat you, how can my poison be so strong."

"If you keep eating, I won't have a body left."

"I haven't had enough yet."

All the scientists in the world may not be able to explain why dreams are so absurd. It makes no sense at all. In fact, at that time, I felt very tired. I was already tired. I believe many people have this feeling. Tired of everything, not wanting to do anything else. I felt very hot, as if there was no air in the room. Suddenly, I had a pleasant surprise feeling, I felt that I still had hope, I hoped this dream would end soon. If I could feel heat, maybe I could wake up? I tried hard to open my eyes, but my eyes wouldn't listen. No matter how I tried to open them, they wouldn't open. I remembered that the caterpillar had eaten me all up, where was I?

Just at that moment, suddenly, I saw it. I saw red leaves! I couldn't help but feel a wave of joy. I thought, did a caterpillar spit me out? The feeling was truly strange. I even climbed onto the body of the red leaf, wanting to take a bite! Oh, the red dress, this fluttering red dress, was so gentle and lovely. I lightly kissed it, letting the sheer red color cover my face.

"Hey, hey, hey, go away, go away, you annoying ghost!"

The red leaf trembled violently. I became even more excited inexplicably, biting onto it and not letting go.

"Yi chi, another yi chi, work yi chi!"

The red leaf seemed to be cursing, or maybe sobbing, but I couldn't hear anything. All I could think about was eating.

"You annoying freak!"

It was this sentence that made me suddenly realize. What? Am I a freak? No one has ever said that about me. Am I not the red leaf in the wind? Am I not lovable by all? I suddenly turned around and saw my lower body, which was half a caterpillar. The caterpillar's body was red and green, covered in hair and mucus. Could that really be me?

Wake up, wake up, have I turned into a red leaf, and now I have to become a caterpillar? This dream is truly unacceptable. However, my whole body couldn't move. I could only wriggle like a caterpillar. I tried to move my legs and pull my feet, but all I saw was the caterpillar wriggling on the red leaf.

"Ah, yi chi!" I could actually converse with the red leaf in this incomprehensible language. What have I become? Yi chi, wood yi chi!

A gust of wind passed, and I felt like I had stumbled. Behind me, I could still hear the red leaf's curses: "You annoying chi freak!"

For a moment, it felt like my stomach was heating up a bit. What chi freak, it made me want to vomit. I vomited all at once, thinking, once I vomit, I'll be clean and can get up, right? But it wasn't a bed. I had to really think hard to remember that I had just dozed off on a bench in the garden. The vomit was still wet and sticky on my lips, I tried to shake it off, but it wouldn't come off. I tried harder, and unexpectedly, I was the one who was shaken off. For a while, the vomit hung like a long thread, binding me in place, like a parachute suspended in mid-air.

A caterpillar, hanging in mid-air by its own vomit, was incredibly boring. Where else could I go?

A gust of spring breeze blew, and I was suddenly shocked by the scene in front of me. Below, there was actually someone there. There was a man sleeping. If I descended a few more inches, I would have kissed his face.

3.

Next time I reincarnate, I swear I won't choose to be a caterpillar. It's the most unfree creature. Look, I have myself bound by my own vomit, completely out of control. Where the wind blows, there I go. It seemed like I was about to land, I desperately tried to pull up the vomit a bit, but to no avail.

I actually reached his face!

He was snoring heavily, completely unaware of me crawling on his face. Who is this man? I didn't want to know. I just wanted to get away quickly. I tried to kick my legs, thinking that if I kicked again, I would wake up. But my limbs were stiff, and I only managed to move half an inch on his face.

"Wooooow......" A nearby girl suddenly screamed. Humans are truly the most annoying creatures in the world. We never scream.

The man suddenly sat up, but I was still stuck to his face, as if I had great adhesive properties.

"Dad, look at your face!"

The girl's voice trembled, sounding very afraid. The man reached up to touch his face, picked me up, and examined me closely.

"Well, it's a caterpillar, no big deal."

"He's so ugly." The girl muttered insults while leaning in to look.

"Maybe, in the world of caterpillars, he's a beauty. Look at the colors on his body, how harmonious they are."

"Sir, you really have a sense of humor. These colors are clearly ugly."

"Oh, my dear daughter. Don't look down on others. Caterpillars are also creations of the Creator..."

These words, hearing them in my ears, made me feel nauseous. Is he me?

So, am I not me anymore? Am I never going to wake up? How could I spend my whole life as a caterpillar? I feel like vomiting again. I think, maybe these vomit can once again push me away, let me stay away from him, in this life of mine, I don't want to see him again.

What made me even more unhappy by a hundred times was that he actually placed me on a nearby leaf! What is this? Is this abandoning me? Is this denying me? I am you, you are not you, stop pretending!

That guy, holding his daughter, actually said they were going home. Watching their figures getting farther and farther away, I felt so pained that I wanted to turn my whole body around. There's nothing more painful than this, hey, hey, I am me!

That stubborn guy, you are not you, don't go!

4.

I soared easily under the winter sun, a happiness beyond compare. Because my happiness comes from pain. Only this kind of happiness is true happiness.

The me from the past was just a caterpillar that everyone despised. No friends, not a day without worries.

Only once, a baboon stopped in the forest and looked at me closely for half a minute. How happy I was. Because no one in the world has ever looked at me. When they see me, they cover their eyes and walk past. I thought I could make friends with this baboon. But unexpectedly, the baboon choked, turned and ran, and only called out half a mile away in the distance of the forest.

The sound echoed back from above, making me heartbroken.

The pain of turning my body around is truly unbearable. I want to completely turn myself around, I don't want to be a caterpillar anymore.

I can only console myself: this is just a dream, I am not a caterpillar, I am a human. I am a person with a name. Once, I even crawled on his face. Being a human is so good. How wonderful it would be if I woke up and found out I'm not a caterpillar but a human.

But I have never woken from this dream. I will always be a caterpillar, not a human.

Where am I going?

A gust of spring wind blew, and I was suddenly shocked by the scene in front of me. Below, there was someone. A man was sleeping. If I descend a few more inches, I would kiss his face.

The doctor who transformed my life is a real angel.

Although I didn't become a human, I became a butterfly that could fly around everywhere. That's the benefit of self-transformation. When I pulled my wings out of the cocoon, I saw the sunlight. I thought there was no sunlight in this world. But the sunlight dried my wings. With a gentle flap, I could part the air and move between the cracks of the wind.

I couldn't see it before, but the wind had so many cracks. Only after becoming a butterfly could I see it. I've eaten many brightly colored flowers before. Now I know the benefit: all colors are on my wings, magnificent. Struggle always leads to results. What I proudly display is actually effort.

How happy I am.

I kept flying and flying.

I met him.

He had just woken up on a park bench.

He said he had just had a dream.

He said he didn't know if he was a butterfly in a dream or a person awake.

I spun around his head three times. Then I stopped on a big red flower in front of his eyes.

He spoke to me. This was the first time in my life that someone had spoken to me in person. That one time with the baboon didn't count.

He asked, "Am I you, or are you me?"

It's such a simple question, and he doesn't know the answer. I will never tell him, "You are me, and I am you." Because even a small misunderstanding of this simple truth could hurt him.

I just laughed and flew away, saying, "You are not me, and I am not you!"

As I flew away, I saw him below, using his fingers to scratch his head.

(End)

1.

  就假設這是一場夢好了。

 

  就假設，在夢中，我是一塊樹葉好了。

 

  一塊樹葉，能夠主宰宇宙嗎？

 

   如果我要投胎作一塊樹葉，作甚麼樹葉好呢？

我一早已經想好了。我想化為一塊美麗的有毒樹葉。有一種名為「聖誕花」的葉，是大紅色的美麗葉子。這種葉，是有劇毒的。雖然賞花的人，未必知道。

 

　　每一個人，看到我這大紅色的葉，都會不住口的連聲讚嘆。這時，我自然會十分陶醉，自然覺得，自己是宇宙萬物中不可缺少的主角，作為主人翁的感覺，異常強烈。

 

　　而且，小鳥和那些喜歡吃樹葉的甲蟲，也會遠離我，不敢侵犯。這樣，我便可以安心享受這南國的冬天，在陽光溫暖之中，輕鬆的把紅裙子展開。紅裙迎風招展，一塊連著一塊，呵，我是自己的主人，也是萬物的主人，多麼自豪。

 

　　忽然，我發覺自己的邊緣，有一種癢癢的感覺。

        是誰，這樣頑皮來呵癢我？

 

　　當我低頭一看的時候，請恕我失儀，我大聲斥喝：

「走開！走開！你這可惡的毛蟲，走開，不要來接近我！不要，不要！」

 

   這真是世界上最可惡的毛蟲了。而且，這毛蟲好像是沒有耳朵的。噢，他愈來愈放肆了。他竟敢爬上我的裙子，他的手，又冰又冷的手，緊緊的抓著我。

 

   「你放開，你放開！」

 

　　但毛蟲是沒有耳朵的。他一點都聽不到。他開始咬我了。我的身體劇烈顫抖，我竟任他咬，我竟任他咬！

 

　　我忽然想起，這到底只是一場夢，我是我，我不是紅葉，我不是紅葉！但，夢境易進難出，我竟無法變身，也無法醒來。糟了。大約這是人生最不好的一刻了。不消半分鐘，我的身體已經不見了四份之一。

噢，天呀，請叫這可惡的毛蟲停止，停止！

2.

 

   忽然間想起，大約我是患上一場恐怖之夢了。這名詞，好像在甚麼網頁上看過。我是在發夢嗎？我真是紅葉嗎？我也不想做紅葉了。我想醒來，我想離開這可怕的一切。但無論怎樣，我仍是我，我仍是紅葉。

 

     花園裡十分靜。我簡直聽見那毛蟲咬嚼的聲音。幸好那聲音也漸漸的停了。我的身體，已經不見了大半。那毛蟲，好像吃倦了。正在抬起頭來，四處張望。

 

     「你知道我是有毒的嗎？還來吃我？」

 

　"Well,,,"

 

　　那毛蟲嘆了一口氣。我這才看清楚，這毛蟲，真的是其醜無比的。這樣醜，簡直不應該生存在世界上。但是，他竟然回答，他其實是聽見的。

 

　　「我就是專誠來吃毒的。你不知道嗎？」說完，他又低頭吃了。

 

    「喂喂，你不可以停一下嗎？我就快被你吃完了。」

 

　「不要緊的。吃完了你，那邊還有許多。」

 

     我幾乎嗚咽了：「人家真的是有毒的嘛，還吃。」

 

    「你真傻。我們毛蟲的毒，就是全部吃回來的呢。如果不吃你，我的毒怎會這樣強？」

 

    「你再吃，我的身體都沒有了。」

 

　「我還沒有吃夠呢。」

 

     、、、、、

 

       大約全世界的科學家，都無法解釋，為甚麼夢境是這樣無稽的。真是一點道理都沒有。其實，當時我的感覺，是非常的疲倦。我已經厭倦了。相信這是很多人都有的感覺。對於一切，都己厭倦，不想再做甚麼了。我覺得很熱，覺得房間裡面好像沒有了空氣，我忽然有一種驚喜的感覺，我覺得，我仍是有希望的，我希望這夢境快點離開。如果我能感覺到熱，是不是我可以醒來呢？我竭力想睜開眼睛，但眼睛不聽指揮。怎樣睜，都睜不開。我又想起，我已經被毛蟲全吃了，我到了那裡？

 

       就是想到這一點的時候，忽然，我看見了。我看見了紅葉！不由得一陣驚喜。我以為，是毛蟲把我吐出來了。感覺真是很奇妙的。我竟爬上了紅葉的身上，我想把她吃一口！噢，原來這紅紅的裙子，這隨風飛揚的紅裙，是這樣溫柔可愛的。我輕輕的吻了上去，任那輕紗似的紅色，蓋上我的臉。    　  

 

      「哎，哎，哎，走開，走開，你這討厭鬼！」

 

　　那紅葉劇烈的顫起來。我更加興奮莫名，不知何處來的力量，咬住她，就是不放鬆。

 

　　"Ah, ah, ah, ah!"

     那紅葉好像是在咒罵，又好像是嗚咽，我一點都聽不到。我只想到吃。

 

     「討厭的醜八怪！」

 

　　就是這一句話，使我忽然驚覺的。甚麼？我是醜八怪？從來沒有人這樣說我的。我不是風中的紅葉嗎？不是人見人愛的嗎？猛回頭，忽然看到了自己的下半身，那是半截毛蟲。那毛蟲身上，紅紅綠綠的，滿是毛毛和黏液。那竟就是我？

 

　　醒來，醒來，你已經變為紅葉，還要變為毛蟲？這夢實在不可接受。但是，我的全身無法動彈。只能像一條毛蟲那樣蠕動。我拚命動腿，拉腳，只見這毛蟲，在紅葉身上蠕蠕前進。

 

　　「啊，乂彳！」我竟能用這不可理解的語言，跟紅葉對話，我變成了甚麼？嗚嗚嗚，乂彳，木艸乂彳！

 

    一陣風過，我好像摔了一跤。背後，仍然聽到那紅葉的咒罵：「討厭的彳八怪！」

  

   一時間，好像有點腸胃發熱，甚麼彳八怪，想嘔吐。哇的一下吐了出來，心想，吐了就乾淨了，可以起床了吧。其實那裡是床了。要很用力的想，才想起，剛才眼倦，在花園的長椅裡睡著了。嘔吐物濕濕的仍黏在唇上，甩了一下，沒有甩開。再用力一點，想不到，卻是自己被甩開了。半天吊，那嘔吐物像一根長絲，縛牢了在上面，我像降落傘那樣，掛在半空。

 

   一條毛蟲，被自己的嘔吐物掛在半空，真是無聊透頂了。我還可以到那裡去？

 

    一陣春風吹來，我忽然被眼前的景象嚇死。下面，原來是有人的。有一個男人在睡覺。如果我再下降多幾吋，就會吻上他的臉了。

3.

   下次投胎，保証我再不肯投胎作毛蟲的。這是最不自由的生物。看，我讓自己的嘔吐物縛著，完全不由自主。風吹到那裡，就是那裡。眼看快要降落了，

我拼命想那嘔吐物縮上一些，但事與願違。

 

   我竟到達了他的臉！

 

    他在呼嚕大睡。一點不知道我在他的臉上爬。這男人是誰？我一點都不想知道。只想快快離開。我用力蹬腿，心想，再蹬一下就可以醒來了。但四肢僵僵的，只在他的臉上，前進了半吋。

 

   「哇！」附近的一個女孩子忽然發出尖叫。人類真是天下間最討厭的生物。我們是從不尖叫的。

 

　　那男人一下子坐了起來。但我卻仍然貼在他的臉上，好像很有黏性那樣。

 

　　「爸爸，看你的臉！」

 

　　那女孩子聲音震動，像十分害怕。那男人伸手在臉上一摸，把我摸了下來，還放在手上細看。

 

　　「呵呵，這是毛蟲，不妨事的。」

 

　　「他真是醜死了。」那女孩子一邊罵，一邊卻湊上來看。

 

    「或者，他在毛蟲世界裡是個美女呢。你看他身上的顏色，多麼和諧。」

 

　　「先生，你真會開玩笑。這些顏色，分明是醜。」

 

   「噯，我的好女兒。你不要岐視人家。毛蟲也是造物主創造的、、、」

 

　　這些話，聽在我的耳裡，一陣反胃。他就是我？

那麼，我不是我了？我是永遠不能醒來了？我怎能一輩子當毛蟲？我又想嘔吐了。心想，或者，這些嘔吐物，能再一次把我彈開，讓我遠離他，我這生這世，

都不要再看見他。

 

   更加一百倍使我不高興的，是他竟然把我放到附近的一塊樹葉之上！這算甚麼？算是拋棄我了？算是把我否定了？我才是你，你不是你，你不要再冒充了！

 

　　那傢伙牽著他的女兒，竟然說要回家去了。看著他們那愈行愈遠的身影，我痛苦得要把整個身子反轉。再沒有比這更加痛苦的事，喂，喂，我才是我！

那彳反的傢伙，你不是你，你不要走！

4.

ｘ　　ｘ　　ｘ

 

    我輕鬆飛翔在冬日的陽光之下，快樂之情，無人能及。因為，我的快樂，是從痛苦中來的。只有這樣的快樂，才是真正的快樂。

 

   昔日的我，不過是一隻人人厭惡的毛蟲。沒有一個朋友，沒有一天不是心懷苦惱。

 

  唯一的一次，一隻毛猿在森林裡停下來，細細的看了我半分鐘。我多麼高興。因為，世界上是從來沒有人看我的。他們看見我，都要掩著眼睛走過去。我還以為，可以跟這猿猴交個朋友。不料，那毛猿卻窒息了，他轉身飛跑，半里之外，才在樹林遠處叫了出來。

聲音從那上邊迴彈回來，使我傷心欲絕。

 

   使身體反轉的痛楚，真的無法忍受。我想徹底反轉自己，我再不想做毛蟲了。

 

   我只能自我安慰：這只是一場夢，我不是毛蟲，我是人。我是一個有名有姓的人。做一個人，是多麼的好。如果我一覺醒來，發覺自己不是毛蟲，而是人，多麼好。

但我的夢，卻從未醒過。我永遠都是毛蟲，不是人。

生命就是一場惡夢。惡夢使我全身僵直，冷汗直冒。

 

   等到我醒來的一刻，卻忽然之間發現：我的纖體美夢成功了。塑膠整容雖然昂貴，卻很有效。

 

   為我改造生命的醫生，是個真的天使。

 

   我雖然沒有變成為人，卻變成為一隻能夠到處亂飛的蝴蝶。這就是自我反轉的好處。當我把翅膀從繭裡抽出來，就見到了陽光。我還以為，這世界上是沒有陽光的。但是，陽光卻為我把翅膀曬乾了。讓我輕輕一撥，就把空氣撥開，可以在風的縫隙之間來去了。

從前看不見，原來風是有這許多縫隙的。要變成了蝴蝶，才看見。從前我吃過不少顏色鮮艷的花朵。現在知道好處了：所有顏色，都在我的翅膀上面，瑰麗非凡。奮鬥，總是有結果的。我驕傲展現的，其實是努力。

 

   我多麼愉快。

 

   我一直飛，一直飛。

 

   我碰到他。

 

   他剛剛在公園的長椅裡醒來。

 

   他說，他剛剛做了一場夢。

 

   他說，他不知道，他是夢中的蝴蝶，還是醒中的人。

 

   我在他的頭上轉了三個圈。然後停住在他眼前的一朵大紅花上。

 

   他對我說話了。這是我一生中的第一次，有人親口對我說話。那毛猿的一次，是不算的。

 

   他問：「到底我是你，還是你是我？」

 

　　這樣簡單的答案，他都不知道。我永遠都不會告訴他：「你就是我，我就是你。」因為，這小小道理解錯，也會傷害他的。

 

    我只好笑著飛開：「你也不是我，我也不是你啦！」

 

  我高飛離開的時候，還看見他在底下，用手指，自己抓自己的頭。

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