Dying - What is the feeling of dying?

20241226

 Dying - What is the feeling of dying?

It happened last week in December 13th, 2024.

I am rather happy when I finished writing the essay about "Deeds" in a coffee shop in Hong Kong. 

I was rather cautious not to drink coffee,  because I knew that coffee might not be good for my brain.

I drank tea only by that noon.

I was so happy that I might have found secrets about life:  Its the deeds we done matters.   Others are not important.

Suddenly I fainted.   I cannot remember exactly that moment,  whether I was trying to stand up or not.

It must be happened in a split second,  may be less than 1/1000 seconds.

Because I have no feelings at all.   There is  Chinese proverb "眼前一黑"( A sudden darkness in your eyes ).   But I found it is not so.   You don't have a feeling of darkness or faint feelings at all.

You feel nothing when you faint.

I didn't know how long have I fainted.

When I opened my eyes,   I saw my mobile within one foot reachable by my right hand on the ground.

I managed to grab the mobile near my body.

And then I saw feet.

There were some feet in red trousers.  Seems to be rescue people.  And one or two more people with  ordinary  trousers in front of my eyes.

I was curling on the ground.

The next minute I was on a rescue chair.

People are carrying me on the chair by the escalator going down. 

When I opened my eyes and  I was on an ambulance.

 The ambulance team people asked me whether I have got my id card with me or not.

 I said yes, but I couldn't remember where it was.  Until a few minutes later, my memory recovered and I  found the id card.

 My guitar was with me in the ambulance car.

 The most wonderful moment in this event is that you will not feel anything before you fainted.  It must have  happen  shorter than  a split second.

 I felt  nothing and it was  peaceful.

 It is epilepsy,  may be.

  The feeling was wonderful. I will not fear dying from now on.  

And this time is not the same as last time.

Last time I was dreaming when I got fainted eight months ago.  My dream was going on,  and I was in the  ambulance van.

The dream was a common dream,  I cannot remember details.

And I thought I am not so lucky as  Dostoyevskiy.  He was also an epilepsy patient.  He said he felt he was in heaven when he fainted.   But I didn't have that feeling. I only felt nothing.   Though I was in a peaceful mood.

Dying is not so scary,  it is a wonderful experience.

It was not like being shot or felt from height.   There will be a few minutes of pain  and the pain may last.  But I felt nothing at all.

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